Righteously Judging the Royals

Well, Her Royal Svelteness and Prince Will'eeHaveHisDad'sHairline gave birth to a bouncing baby prince last week. Which means the statute of limitations on snipey comments about England's heir-apparent-twice-removed's name has passed. So I just want to know:

Prince George Alexander Louis? Really? Oh come on, Cousins from o'er the Pond. Y'all can do better than that. Don't get me wrong. Them's three good names lassoed onto that thar kid. Sturdy. Strong. Old. Really old. "George," after the dude who slew the dragon. "Alexander," after Alexander The Great. And "Louis" after the Louies 1 through 16. No, no, no.

England has a most excellent tradition of creativity, uniqueness, and style. We look to them for witty commentary, fabulous costume dramedies, charming accents, and Quidditch. Child-naming-wise, there's a whole lot more to draw from in our Motherland than a couple of dusty old monarchs no one cares about anymore unless they're fighting the Three Musketeers and their movie has been directed by someone other than Gore Verbinski. Really, the good Prince and Princess should have asked me.

Because this is what I would have suggested (and they're welcome to use it for the next royal Heir-Apparently-Not): Prince George Michael Gandalf Elton Hagrid Downton Posh Doctor-Who Cumberbatch.

Rokket for short.

They are most welcome.

On an only marginally unrelated note, I would like to comment upon the good mum Kate's appearance outside the hospital with her new babe-in-arms: What. Ever. That was not the face nor comportment of a woman who had recently pushed another human being from her body. Kate was far too well put together — with her perfectly blown-out hair wafting on the flower-scented breeze and her makeup not on sideways — to have actually gone through labor. Childbirth is a sanity-rip. I think they had the royal corgis do it for her. Or else the Labor Party. Isn't that what they're for? I refuse to accept that anyone who came from the common folk could still manage to look so uncommon after her motherhood ordeal.

Okay, fine. Mrs. Middleton-Windsor and her huz can name their kid whatever they want. She can even come out of the hospital all pretty and pale blue polka-dotted and sweet. But I absolutely draw the line at them not inviting any of us to the baby shower. Who's going to give that child his first "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Season One" dvd set? 

You know they miss us over there. *sniff*

About Janiel 433 Articles
I have managed to keep the same husband for nearly three decades, and the same four children for almost that long - although one or two of them say it has been much longer. I have been writing since I learned to hold a pencil, and trying to make people laugh even longer. I hope to do some good in the world before I go the way of it. And if not, I'd better at least get to visit Ireland.


  1. Labor Party.    We all guffawed at that one.   […and I had exactly the same feeling about that post hospital photo, though it was lovely.]   I'll reserve my uncomplimentary commentary on the names. 

  2. By all rights and customs, anyone giving the Royal Infant (I think of him as Prince Loki) a copy of Honey Boo Boo must be sent to the Tower of London and put in the stocks for twenty years.


    Very funny!

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