In Which My Kid Figures the Russian Meteorite is Biblical. And How Would He Know?

Have y'all seen video of the meteorite hitting Siberia yet? Crazypants. The sound of its crash is really quite horrifying. So horrifying that I'm not going to post it here. Don't want my blog to become a bastion of PTSD. But my young son heard about it this morning and came rushing into my office to watch the clip with me . Then we had this conversation:

Him:  Whoa! That's freaky.

Me:  Yep. It is. 

Him:  Is that Wormwood?

Me:  Er . . . you know what Wormwood is?

Him:  (Looking at me like, Duh mom.) Yeah. It's that meteorite that's supposed to hit the earth and kill all the trees and stuff right before the world ends.

Right. It's in the Bible. A book I have not ever managed to get all the way through — at least not the Old Testament. It loses me at the Begats. You know, "And Adam begat Seth, and Seth begat SomeOtherDude, who begat Methuselah, who eventually begat Noah, and then they kept on begatting until King David and Joseph and Jesus and the rest of all y'all got here."

I just can't read that sheer volume of ancient proliferation. I start wanting to know who those people were and what they looked like, and did they do anything special on the weekends, and what was their favorite color. It's a major time-suck, and I can lose an entire day over it.

 But Wormwood? That's in the book of Revelation; I know that much. When the habakkuk did my eleven year-old read the book of Revelation? And more important, begin to interpret it? It sure as heck hasn't been our bedtime story reading material. I've been waiting for the movie to come out.

Well, maybe I should listen to my boy. I'm sure the Siberian locals thought the end of the world was nigh. The wicked crack upon Wormwood Junior's landing — and all the ensuing aftershock-y cracks — would have made me think so too. Maybe my kid knows something I don't know.

And maybe I need to rush right down to my storage room and check my supply of toilet paper. (Because as we all know, when the apocalypse hits, toilet paper is going to be THE hot commodity. It's going to be gold. Especially where womenfolk are concerned. Must. Have. Toilet paper. Y'all should just run right out and buy shares in Charmin. Stock-tip for the day.) I mean, out of the mouths of babes, and all that.

Still. Wormwood landed clear in the heck out in Russia. And my kid's prescience notwithstanding, that's stinking far away. I'm sure we're safe. Nothing ever hits America. Right? We're cool. And just in case, so is my supply of toilee scroll.

About Janiel 432 Articles
I have managed to keep the same husband for nearly three decades, and the same four children for almost that long - although one or two of them say it has been much longer. I have been writing since I learned to hold a pencil, and trying to make people laugh even longer. I hope to do some good in the world before I go the way of it. And if not, I'd better at least get to visit Ireland.


  1. I find myself rather wishing the meteor could have squarely aimed itself directly at the home of my idiot ex-brother-in-law, but that’s me!

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