Women 101: It’s All About the Packaging

Do you want to know the fastest way to separate a girl from her money?


Make it cute, sparkly, small, modern, clean-lined, colorful, and/or fresh, then drop it in a bag and festoon it with ribbons, or elegantly label it, and we'll pay any amount of money for it.

This is true. 

It's because women like order. And neatness. And we are designed to rush to the aid of and put our arms around little tiny things. That's so we'll protect and nurture our children. But we're willing to do the same thing for small boxes of chocolates, velvet pouches holding Swarovski encrusted earrings, ribbon-bound homemade soaps, and tiny art supplies in baggies. Also shoes. We wrap serious arm-age around shoes.

Men, if you want to make a woman's heart flutter, take whatever you're going to give her for any special occasion, put it in a clear cellophane bag, throw in a handful of confetti cut into whimsical shapes, and she'll be yours for life. You can even get away with dork-gifts like vacuums and power-drills using this technique. Trust me on this. It's the packaging that counts.

Many businesses have clued-in to this gig. It's why I'll go to a clothing boutique and come out with arm-loads of bottled French sparkling lemonade. It's because it's "French." And it has a "French" label. And the label looks, you know, "French." But that's not all: the proprietress of the boutique has added a cellophane bag and some confetti and ribbon. Of COURSE I am going to buy it. Even though it costs more than my daughter's tuition payment. Even though it's a bit weird to be selling drinks in a clothing boutique. It's beautiful. It's a neat little package. It makes me feel international and Audrey Hepburn-ish and well put-together. This same thing works on nose-hair clipper key rings sold at the Ace Hardware. And I probably need five of them to give to friends.

It doesn't have to make sense, guys. It doesn't have to be cost-effective — in fact it's better if itsn't. This is about having an experience. It's about our senses. It's about our instinct to hold tiny sweet things to our hearts. It's about getting a feeling. It ain't about saving a buck.

So, dudes. The next time you worry about what to get for your lovely significant other, don't. Just wrap it up, throw on some ribbons and tissue paper, then add a few shots of glitter. She'll be all a-flutter over your sensitivity and be kissing your face off before you know what hit you.

I'm a girl. I know these things. And I'm slowly bringing my husband around. At least he no longer stares at me in stupefication when I go into raptures whilst sinking my teeth into a five dollar flower and silver dragée-encrusted cupcake. He lets it lie, and notes the Cupcake Emporium's address.

You're welcome.

MmmmNot so much

About Janiel 433 Articles
I have managed to keep the same husband for nearly three decades, and the same four children for almost that long - although one or two of them say it has been much longer. I have been writing since I learned to hold a pencil, and trying to make people laugh even longer. I hope to do some good in the world before I go the way of it. And if not, I'd better at least get to visit Ireland.

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