So I'm washing my dishes in one sink this morning and stacking them to dry in the other. And the second sink gets full, so naturally I start drying and putting things away. I am just about to remove the last measuring cup when suddenly out from under it, nearly touching the curve of my wrist as my hand settles just above the cup handle, skitters this giant GIANT, horrifying wolf spider.
Now, lest you think I am insane, this is not my hand gently cupped around the narsty furry little beast. Nay. It is the hand of an obviously mentally ill individual with delusions of impressing others by cupping narsty furry little beasts in their hand.
Excuse me. Must shudder.
LOOK at that thing! What right does it have taking a siesta in my measuring cup where my innocent hand will find it – possibly even *double shudder* brush up against it? And just so you know, the one I encountered this morning was almost the size of the one in the picture.
You probably want to know what I did about it. First I shrieked. Loud and long. The thought being that I might paralyze the critter with my piercing lyric soprano vocalization. Then I grabbed the nearest weapon – the faucet – and blasted the villainous wretch down the drain. But not without a significant chase first. Those little buggers are fast, I can tell you.
My revulsion at watching it finally curl in on itself and slurp down the sink was alleviated only after allowing the water to pound into the garbage disposal for a good 10 minutes. (No, I didn't garbage-dispose the creature. I was merciful. It's possible that the thing will produce little built-in arm floaties and make it out through a drainage ditch somewhere to freedom. It will probably spend the rest of its natural life looking for me to exact revenge. But I'll just step on it.)
So, I'm kind of wondering why something the size of a half-dollar can excite such a reaction from me. I mean, I'm bigger than it is. My potential weapons of mass destruction on it's spidery self are much greater than its on mine. What is it about arachnids that sends us willy-ing into incapacitation like they do? (Aside from the word "arachnid." I mean, gross.) I don't know. But I don't see the fear leaving any time soon.
Wikipedia says this about Wolf spiders: Wolf spiders are capable of defensive bites, and some South American species may give bites that are medically significant. However, in general their presence works very much in favor of humans wherever they are found.
Oh! Well. Why didn't someone TELL me? Interestingly, the article fails to explain exactly how Mr. Wolf's presence works very much in my favor. Perhaps I shall invite it to tea next time and find out.
Along with the author of this statement.
gave me a good LOL moment today! They failed to mention in Wikipedia that those things can leave welts the size of softballs where they bit and cause extreme pain and immobility! Way to use that faucet!! Yeah, you showed him!
Ooooh, the vengeful creatures. I reached into the cabinet under my bathroom sink, pulled out a new roll of tp, and went into cardiac arrest when my reflection in the mirror showed me holding a roll of tp with a giant mama wolf spider and her bulbous egg sack. Eeeber Jeebers. That thing came way to close to touching a bare bottom.
Oh. My. Gosh.
I am officially sick now.