I miss you. Once upon a time I had dreams that we were going to be famous, you and I. It was all planned out, with footnotes and everything. We would get a book deal and tour the world. We would dine on beluga caviar dipped in sparkling cider because we don't drink alcoholic beverages. Well, you do. But I'm the designated blogger so I can't. And, dearest, there would be a movie. I would be played by Angelina Jolie of course–mostly because of how much we resemble one another. I could be her stunt-lip-double. Plus I can do that leg thing she did at last year's Oscars. And you, YOU, my darling. You would be played by The Pioneer Woman's blog—at the very least. Maybe even HuffPost.
But, you know, life got in the way. I got busy. I never bought that one camera that would have transformed me from a blechy photographer into Ansel Adams, augmenting your words and lines with a visual pulchritude Penelope Cruz could only dream of. Plus, I was going to finish my English degree to add serious cred. But I just never got around to it, what with raising 4 kids and a husband. Not that I'm raising my huz. Okay, yes I am. And he's a fine fine man now. At the expense of you, my little repository of word-smithery. I hope he's happy.
The long and short of all of these sacrifices is that there are, forgive me, six people reading you on a regular basis. Six. And one of them is my aforementioned and very well-brought-up husband. So, okay, 5 people. Not that he's not a people, but he sort of doesn't count because he reads you by marriage. Also there's my little brother. Sometimes. When I threaten to staple his underwear to the ceiling if he doesn't read you. Does that count? Ooh! Ooh! There's my one best friend in all the world who I am sure is reading this even though she doesn't comment much, but I can tell by our psychic female connection that she is here regularly. I can tell. She is. So apart from them, there are like 3.3 people reading you. And I'm pretty sure they're the most important people in the world.
So I don't need to give up on you, darling blog. Not if The Most Important People In The World are reading you. And maybe Ms. Jolie-Pitt will still be happy to play me. Especially if I volunteer my lips for her most dangerous pouts and puckers. Yes. We shall persevere. And anyway, things are looking up! I believe I have an email from Martha Stewart's blog asking if it can be a stand-in for you should that movie deal come through.
I'll just go beg them . . . er, I mean . . . say yes.