An Open Letter To My Blog

Janiel Ben & Jer

Dear Blog:

I miss you. Once upon a time I had dreams that we were going to be famous, you and I. It was all planned out, with footnotes and everything. We would get a book deal and tour the world. We would dine on beluga caviar dipped in sparkling cider because we don't drink alcoholic beverages. Well, you do. But I'm the designated blogger so I can't. And, dearest, there would be a movie. I would be played by Angelina Jolie of course–mostly because of how much we resemble one another. I could be her stunt-lip-double. Plus I can do that leg thing she did at last year's Oscars. And you, YOU, my darling. You would be played by The Pioneer Woman's blog—at the very least. Maybe even HuffPost.

But, you know, life got in the way. I got busy. I never bought that one camera that would have transformed me from a blechy photographer into Ansel Adams, augmenting your words and lines with a visual pulchritude Penelope Cruz could only dream of. Plus, I was going to finish my English degree to add serious cred. But I just never got around to it, what with raising 4 kids and a husband. Not that I'm raising my huz. Okay, yes I am. And he's a fine fine man now. At the expense of you, my little repository of word-smithery. I hope he's happy.

The long and short of all of these sacrifices is that there are, forgive me, six people reading you on a regular basis. Six. And one of them is my aforementioned and very well-brought-up husband. So, okay, 5 people. Not that he's not a people, but he sort of doesn't count because he reads you by marriage. Also there's my little brother. Sometimes. When I threaten to staple his underwear to the ceiling if he doesn't read you. Does that count? Ooh! Ooh! There's my one best friend in all the world who I am sure is reading this even though she doesn't comment much, but I can tell by our psychic female connection that she is here regularly. I can tell. She is. So apart from them, there are like 3.3 people reading you. And I'm pretty sure they're the most important people in the world.

So I don't need to give up on you, darling blog. Not if The Most Important People In The World are reading you. And maybe Ms. Jolie-Pitt will still be happy to play me. Especially if I volunteer my lips for her most dangerous pouts and puckers. Yes. We shall persevere. And anyway, things are looking up! I believe I have an email from Martha Stewart's blog asking if it can be a stand-in for you should that movie deal come through. 

I'll just go beg them . . . er, I mean . . . say yes.

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About Janiel 432 Articles
I have managed to keep the same husband for nearly three decades, and the same four children for almost that long - although one or two of them say it has been much longer. I have been writing since I learned to hold a pencil, and trying to make people laugh even longer. I hope to do some good in the world before I go the way of it. And if not, I'd better at least get to visit Ireland.

10 Comments

  1. Haha! This is so cute. I hope this means that things really are looking up and this post isn't supposed to be ironic, or something. I am one of the 6 – er – 3.3 people who reads this blog, and I'm glad it's still around! P.S. Anjelina WISHES you were her lip-stunt double. Just sayin.'

    • Oh, thank you my dear! It's so nice to have you amongst the 3.3. 🙂 And yeah, things do seem to be looking up. As for my lips, I'll pass your thoughts along to Angelina.

  2. Hilarious!  And worth the wait.  I'm sure Paul Bettany's people will be contacting you, too.  In case Angie's lips are busy. 

    I've missed you!

    • Thank you, Robs! Very sweet. I appreciate you. 🙂  And while I also appreciate your thoughts on Mr. Bettany, whatever do you think Angelina's lips could be busy doing?!

  3. Okay, yet another post that made me laugh.  I do enjoy reading your blog Janiel!  

    I'm proud to be one of the 3.3.

  4. :D! Janiel I love your style of writing and secretly I’m so rooting for you to become famous. I may not be a regular reader but boy when I see a link to your blog on Twitter, there is this huge magnetic pull to click on it right away and read. I love your unassuming style, your sense of humor and most of all the lovely human being that you seem to be. As long as you write, we’ll keep coming back to read.

    • Shazi! What a generous comment. Thank you! And it's so nice to see you here. I'll be sure to let you know when I become famous. Thanks for the vote of confidence. 🙂

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