Overheard at My House. In Fifteen Minutes. Help Us.

Someone once told me that if you pepper your speech with accents, little sound effects, or the occasional snippet of music, it's a sign that there is something wrong with you. Clinically. So that little "G'day, mate!" you threw out to your coworker this morning? WHACKADOO ALERT! Beatboxing to the rhythm of the "Don't Walk" sign at the intersection? MEDICATION! STAT! Overuse of words like "wuhBAM," or "chuCHING," excessive use of exclamation points in your writing, and a general desire to liven up basic communication? GET THE STRAIGHT JACKET!

I will tell you, this has me worried. If any psychoanalyst stopped by my home for a handful of minutes, our entire household would be carted off to be ritalin'ed to the eyeballs, because we got crazypants entertaining dialogue going on constantly. Here's a sample from just a few minutes ago:

"I like how you smell. There's just some Mom-scent to it. I can't describe it. It smells like you. I like how you smell without makeup on better."

"I like how your toilet saves a lot of water."

"Oooh! You throw like a cuttle-fish!"  (and you know this because . . . ?)

"You are humiliating my toe!"

"I'm lookin' at the man in the mirror! Oooh yeah! I'm askin' him to chay-eeyay-eeyaynge his waaaaaayzzzzz!"

–"Let's have a family meeting. All right. Who wants to go skiing tomorrow?"

–"Hey, what do I look like when I do this?"

–"Get off of me!"

–"Family meeting. Are we going skiing tomorro–"

–"And then he said–"

–"Guys! Family meet–"

–"HEY! WE'RE HAVING A FAMILY MEETING! LISTEN TO DAD!"

–"Ooh, is that yours?"

–"I want to go skiing dad."

–"Listen to your father. Who wants–"

–"I do. Now can I go to the bathroom?"

–"I think they open at 9:30"

–"No it's 9:00"

–"Can we take two cars? I don't want to stay all day."

–"Moooomm! He's looking at me!"

–"Okay. We're going skiing. Meeting over."

–"Wait! Aren't we going to talk about going skiing tomorrow?"

"I've always thought you looked pretty in your pajamas. I'm a ginormous spaz."

–"Hey!" (after being hit in the face with a wet washcloth)

–"Oops! I'm sorry mom! Don't worry, it's clean!"

–"Where did you get it from?"

–"The sink. But I rinsed it out after I wiped up the milk from the floor."  (awe. some.)

–"Are you going to use the goat-soap-stuff?"

–"Mmhm."

–"When?"

–"Eventually. When I take a shower."

"Hello mother. Would you like some detestable mouse-watering chocolates? Hahahaha! It's from Arthur!"

–"Will you come tuck me in? "

–"Yes"

–*pause*

–"NOW, QUESTION MARK?"


See? Crazypants.

On the other hand, it's pretty entertaining. It could certainly be worse.

Right. If we're nuts, I'm keeping it.


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About Janiel 432 Articles
I have managed to keep the same husband for nearly three decades, and the same four children for almost that long - although one or two of them say it has been much longer. I have been writing since I learned to hold a pencil, and trying to make people laugh even longer. I hope to do some good in the world before I go the way of it. And if not, I'd better at least get to visit Ireland.

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