Lame-Patootie Poetry

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.  ~Paul Valéry

WELL, Mr. Valéry. I've decided you are right. And not only that, but after posting my über outstanding writing qualifications yesterday, I feel more than authoritative enough as an author to finish and/or revise some of the greatest poetry on earth. I'm sure no one will mind. It's been abandoned, after all.

We'll start first with Joyce Kilmer. Who, by the way, was a dude. Whose parents obviously hated him. Or wanted a girl. Which is probably why he resorted to poetry.

Trees – Joyce Kilmer

I think that I shall never see

A poem as lovely as

James McAvoy.

No seriously. I mean LOOK at him:

Attribution: Caroline Bonarde Ucci

The Road Not Taken – Robert Frost

(I'm renaming it. It's now called: The Dude Not Taken)

Two dudes diverged in a yellow wood,

One was handsome

The other one good.

Each man had asked me if “I did”

“I do,” I thought, “but to which kid?”

At length I mused, as I stood there,

That both were really very fair

It’s just that one had taken chance

With every girl at every dance.

The other one, whom I’ll not name

Had seemed more quiet, but the same,

And dated every girl in sight

Good heavens! Which was Mr. Right?

Two dudes diverged in a yellow wood,

One was handsome

The other one good.

“I guess,” I thought as I stood there

“I’ll take the one with better hair.”

And that has made all the difference.

Because I Could Not Stop For Death – Emily Dickenson

Because I could not stop for Death,

He kindly stopped for me.

But since I did not ask him to,

I kicked him in the knee.

He slowly drove–he knew no haste

And I had put away

My GPS, so we got lost

And could not find our way.

We passed a school, where Children strove

at Recess-in the Ring-

Then I jumped out and ran inside

And Death got 10 to 15 for False Imprisonment.

Sonnet XVIII – William Shakespeare

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Nah.

And finally:

Roses are Red – Anonymous

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Some poems rhyme

But this one doesn't.

There. Now your education is complete.

No. Don't thank me.