Attention Bloggers and Blog Followers
Owing to the vast increase in the number of blogs being hacked and identities being stolen, the United States Federal Government has passed a bill requiring all blog owners and blog readers to answer a series of questions designed to certify that they are who they say they are. While the government does not spy on (hereinafter referred to as "get-to-know") its citizens, it does have access to various technologies to measure whether or not its citizens' answers to these questions are truthful.
Among other things, these technologies involve subatomic computer monitor-based retinal scans, accompanied by keyboard surface molecular perspiration analysis. In addition there is nervous gaseous emission measuring capability encoded into the sound cards on most laptop models.
What all of this means is that you can take the following test, and the government can "get-to-know" you, without you having to leave your home. Non-invasive! That's the name of the game!
In order to continue to have access to blogs, social media sites, shopping, general information, or cyber-dating sites, please answer the following questions as quickly and honestly as possible. And then we'll disappear and you'll never have to hear from us again.
Mathematics:
1) If Johnny earned $400.00 a month for one year, and the government took 20% of it in taxes, how much would Johnny have left at the end of the fiscal year?
–a) A goldfish and a pack of Camels
–b) $1.35
–c) $3,450,284.23. Johnny is on public assistance.
–d) All of it. Johnny is a tax evader.
2) Draw a circle. What is the circumference?
–a) 2 feet
–b) 2 miles
–c) 2 inches
–d) All of the above, except a and b
3) if it takes a man 2 hours to go upstream in a rubber raft during spawning season, and 3 hours with an outboard motor, against a current flowing at 2 miles per hour, what is the average speed of a plane going the same distance?
–a) a and b
English:
1) Rewrite the following sentences with proper punctuation and spelling:
–a) Τώρα είναι ο χρόνος για όλα τα καλά άτομα να έρθουν στην ενίσχυση της χώρας τους.
–b) 四個比分和七年前我們的父親帶來了在這個大陸一個新的國家
2) In one hundred words or less write an essay on the differences between the Electoral System and the Digestive System.
History:
1) What famous philosopher said, "Gutta cavat lapidem?" _____________________.
2) What was the name of Napoleon's second-in-command's sister-in-law's cousin, twice removed? ___________________.
3) Where are the lost ten tribes? ______________________.
Geography:
1) If the area of Oregon is 96,981 square miles, and the area of Texas is 267,338 square miles, and if Oregon was put where Texas is, and Texas was put where Oregon is, how much of Texas would hang over the coastline? ____________________.
2) Briefly describe the area covered by Lewis and Clark during their explorations: ________________________.
Languages:
1) Ou est la toilette? ________________.
2) Qu'elle heure est ' il? __________________.
3) Was machst du in der Weihnachts Ferien?_____________________.
4) Enchilada. ___________________.
5) Ex post facto. _______________________________________________________________________________________.
Science:
1) Mix 50 cc of hydrofluoric acid and100 cc of hydrochloric acid and drink it. Write the results of this experiment below:
2) Using aluminum foil, a pair of tweezers, and old gym socks, construct a nuclear warhead. Try it out. Write the results of this experiment below:
3) Discover a new life form. Write the details below:
Thank you for your cooperation. We'll turn this in and have the results back to you in a jiff. In the meantime, you'll be assigned a new email address to ensure the privacy of your results. Please make note of it.
Your new address is: bitsblogfollower@sanquentin.com
(PS – this is a joke. PLEASE DO NOT DO THE HYDROFLUORIC/HYDROCHLORIC ACID THING!)
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