Mirror Mirror On The Wall. Who Asked You?

Young and Old Janiel
 
Yeah. The hair turned brown after my third child.  Still haven't recovered.
 
I was hanging out with some friends yesterday, along with a couple of cool teens we all know, and everyone was chatting up a storm. After a while it became apparent that the adult women were making more noise than the girls. So one of the teens piped up over all the yammering with, "When I was younger I used to think old ladies were like goats."

 

Um, excuse me? OLD LADIES? Never mind the goats. OLD LADIES? Is this how we are seen? Is this how I am seen? I'm an OLD LADY? Oh, no no no. I don't think so. I'm 46 years old. If you take those numbers apart you have a 4 and a 6. Those are very young numbers. I am neither "Old" nor a "Lady." I'm okay with being a "Woman." Even a "Woman of a Certain Age," because there is something mysterious about being "Of a Certain Age." But "Old"? "Lady"? 

A "Lady" is a woman in a boxy tan raincoat whose tie-belt was lost at the bottom of a closet full of children's boots about twenty years ago, and who carries packets of handi-wipes and sugar in her pockets just in case. And who never wears eye makeup but always has dime-store red lipstick on that smells like crayons. And it's actually called "Red Lipstick," instead of something creative and provocative like "BlushingREDelicious."

Add "Old" to that "Lady," and you get a woman in a beltless tan raincoat with bald eyes and pasty redlipstick lips, who has also crammed fat ankles into her husband's old wellies which are pulled over her flowered Keds to keep them from getting wet. If it should rain. And there are wadded kleenexes in the pocket that doesn't have the handi-wipes and sugar in it. And she's always going to visit her son Bill in Poughkeepsie as soon as she gets someone to watch her cats.

THAT IS NOT ME!

I don't even have cats. 

There is the occasional wadded up tissue in my pocket. And once I saved a packet of sugar for later. But while I have heard of Oneonta, I've never heard of Poughkeepsie!

I am not old. And I'm pretty sure I still have a touch of the "girlish" about me.

But just to be on the safe side I'm not going to look in the mirror anymore. In fact I'm having them all replaced with posters of Justin Bieber and Betty White.

And I'm throwing away my sugar packets.

Frankly, for a woman my age, I'm not baaaaa-a-a-a-a-a-ad at all.

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About Janiel 432 Articles
I have managed to keep the same husband for nearly three decades, and the same four children for almost that long - although one or two of them say it has been much longer. I have been writing since I learned to hold a pencil, and trying to make people laugh even longer. I hope to do some good in the world before I go the way of it. And if not, I'd better at least get to visit Ireland.

2 Comments

  1. Thank you my friend – for putting it all so well. I needed a good laugh this morning! All I could see while reading this was Lisa Burton Carter playing Albert's Mother in Bye, Bye Birdie! A perfect visual.

    And NO, my dear . . .you are definitely NOT old. (and neither am I 😉

  2. OMIGOSH! That WAS Lisa, wasn't it? That's hilarious. Must've been channeling her.

    Thanks sweetie. You're right. We ain't nothing like old. Your art proves you are forever young.
    (For those who want to see, go check out Laurie Miller Designs)

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