The Boy, The Lava Lamp, and the Port-a-Potty

I have wondered about this last little munchkin that came to me much later in life than I thought I'd still be making munchkins. I mean he says stuff sometimes that worries me. Like when he couldn't get his sister to wake up and thought she was dead, so he asked me to check. (She was massively sleep deprived, and so far into REM that nothing short of a drunk politician going off in her head would have woken her up.) I reassured him that she was fine, but he was so worried, couldn't I please please check? So I did. And just as I got up to her he leaned forward and said, "If she's dead, can I have her lava lamp?

Um. Kay. 

And then another time, when I asked him to repeat what he'd just asked me–twice–he declared that I was deaf. I agreed. To which he replied that he hoped to be dead before I went completely deaf. When I asked why (trying not to snort hysterically), he said, looking at me like I was daft, "Because I don't want to learn sign language."

Oh, I see.

Finally came his Christmas list. He was trying to be conservative because we came up quite short this year, financially-speaking-wise. So he had asked for things like a $4 bow and arrow set, and an $8 nerf gun. Also a tire. No idea why. Then he asked for a Port-a-Potty. Wha?

I re-read the list. Yep, there it was in Times Roman 12 point: a Port-a-Potty.

So (dare I ask?) I asked.
Me:  "Um, sweetie, why do you want a Port-a-Potty for Christmas?"
Him: (with a barely suppressed eye roll) "So when I'm outside playing, I won't have to come in!" 

Duh.

I don't know why I was worried. It isn't as though he doesn't like his sister. He clings to her like a little leach every time she comes home to soak up our family-ness. And he still likes me, as evidenced by the fact that he canNOT go to bed without the mom-kiss and hug and prayer. But it was the Port-a-Potty that gave me the clue. This little dude is a man with a plan. He has things figured out and he is beyond practical. Boy thinks about things, decides what makes the most sense, sets a goal, then goes and gets it.

So I guess the next time he marches outside even though I just told him not to, I should consider the possibility that rather than being disobedient, the little guy is totally focused on his goal to see how long he can stand in the snow with bare feet and not scream: "Out of the way, Woman! There's science and business planning going on in them thar brain cells!"