Sooo. Scientists have discovered a brand new kind of fish. Waaay down deep in an ocean trench. Where none of us regular folks can go to see it.
Seriously? What do scientists think we are, stupid? Like we can't tell these deep ocean "fish" are fake. Give me a break. Anyone can go to a craft store and buy a package of sculpy. Ten minutes in the oven at 300 degrees and voilá! Your own homegrown, completely rare, newly discovered Dork Fish!
Kind of makes you wonder what other hoaxes have been perpetrated upon the innocent unsuspecting National Geographic-reading public.
For example, don't you think it's a little suspicious that scientists keep coming up with new bugs and new plants? How many "new" bugs and plants could actually be on a planet this crowded? People go camping all the time. I think if something were "new" it would have come home on some kid's pants and we would have heard about it on a mommy-blog somewhere.
And how about "new" tribes in the Amazon? Puh-lease. People order from Amazon by the millions. I THINK we'd notice if there were "new" tribes of indigenous people lurking around our primely-shipped gourmet groceries and copies of Josh Groban's latest hits.
Undiscovered galaxies! Nanotechnology! Deep Ocean Trenches! (There's that deep ocean again. What a coup that place is. Who's going to go down and see if there's anything more than sand and Ursula the Sea Witch living there?)
I tell you, it's a scam. I think scientists take all that grant money they get for "discovering" these things and buy iPads and iPhones. I mean, who wouldn't?
Of course there's always the possibility that evolution made all of these weird creatures, and was so embarrassed by them that it just chucked them into the nearest deep-ocean trench it could find, hoping no one would ever notice.
Wait, what? Oh. I see.
These things are real. So . . . *ahem* . . . one should research before one writes. At least if one is going to write about something other people actually know about.
Well then. Maybe we should start a fundraiser for Dork Fish. Those dudes need some serious plastic surgery.
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